The Feisty Blog

Bye Bye Blogger

2007-06-09T11:11:00.000-07:00

It's been nice but I'm sick of your unpredictable ways. If you want your jeans back you can contact me here.

2007-06-07T09:03:00.001-07:00

Hey peeps! I’m in the middle of transitioning my blog over to Word Press. It should be up by tomorrow. I’ll leave a link as soon as I have it figured out. Make sure to check back ‘cause I have pics of my trip to San Francisco. You really don’t want to those—they’re fascinating.

Meanwhile, I’m blogging over at Naughty and Spice today, so go check it out.

2007-06-01T17:13:00.001-07:00

Okay, I'm off to San Francisco for a few days. Make sure to drop by Naughty and Spice while I'm gone. We have one heck of a funny video posted over there this weekend!

Fornication Friday

2007-06-01T10:58:00.000-07:00

If you're under 18 please go away. Click here instead.

The Present

I’m on my knees and a tiny pebble is digging itself into my kneecap. My housekeeping skills are for shit—I’d swept the hardwood floor of the kitchen just that day. I’d reach down and remove the sharp stone from my skin, but my hands are bound behind my back with the soft rope John had dug out of the garage. No silk scarves or handcuffs here. We don’t have those things on hand but my husband is nothing if not resourceful.

I’m about to say something about the rock but he stops the words by sliding his cock across my lips. He tastes like Dove soap and warm skin and as I press my bound wrists against the small of my back anticipation courses through me. How ironic that the scent and flavor of him are part of my pleasure, that this is how my love has manifested itself.

He directs himself around the roof of my mouth, across my tongue, brushes the inside of my cheeks. I’m already wet and on edge from earlier and now I’m trembling from wanting him deep insides my throat. My moan sounds buried in my chest. He prods further. I swallow, hoping to coax him in, and finally he takes a fistful of my hair in each of his hands and guides my head until he’s deep, so deep I almost gag but I don’t.

I brace myself on the floor and now the sharp pain of the stone isn’t so bothersome. Instead it becomes another sensation in my heightened state of arousal—nipples, pussy, knee—all are throbbing and it’s adding up to me getting off on a blowjob.

Six months ago I hated giving blowjobs.
Six months ago I hated my husband.
Six months ago I hadn’t discovered domestic bliss.

I'm over at Naughty and Spice today.

2007-05-30T22:00:00.000-07:00

So click on the banner below. Go on. You know you want to.

Yay!

2007-05-29T17:29:00.000-07:00

I'm part of a new blog! Make sure to check it out!

Poetry Monday

2007-05-27T21:34:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I jot down little notes when I'm making dinner. For example:

"You are a fucking potato head"

Those hard eyes of yours.
I want to pull them off and
put them where your mouth used to be.

I want to unpeel you and put your
dirty skin down the garbage disposal and
see your underneath, all your bruises.

I want to remove your ears and put them
where your eyes used to be and
then you might hear me.

I could slice off the dark spots with my
sharp little paring knife and
you would be good then.

I could do those things.

Then I could drop you in a big pot
and draw you a very hot bath and
wait until you got all soft in your center.

I’d mush you up, mix you up
with butter, sour cream, and
chives.

I'd scoop you up with my fingers,
my potato head, and
eat you.

2007-05-26T12:15:00.000-07:00

This is the first line drawing of the tattoo Mary Joy Scott is designing for me. I don't know how I got so lucky to find and artist who loves drawing Victorian roses, but I adore what she's coming up with. Even if I’m not the girl at RWA as the girl with the most tattoos, I might win for the biggest.

Okay, I really have to write now. I have a goal of completing 7K by Monday night. That may not sound like a lot to many folks, but for me the act of writing is like running through water. It’s slow and hard and takes all my energy. This book has been especially challenging because it’s totally different for me. Magic, a little BDSM, urban fantasy setting…I’ve never done all of the above in one book before. But these characters just surprise me at every turn, and I really have no idea what the heck’s going to come out of their mouths. My heroine just told my hero that she came from the circus. Turns out she got turned on by watching the Lion trainer tame the beast. Who knew?

Also, I’m behind on my word count because we have had houseguests for over a week. Not just one group of folks but three different arrivals. I’ve been having a blast, but I am seriously behind on my word count now.

And I really need to stop watching The Pick of Destiny.

Instead of writing

2007-05-26T12:03:00.000-07:00

I've been watching The Pick of Destiny. Yes, I’ve seen it three times this week. I think this video from the film if the funniest shit I've seen in a really long time. I do so love Jack Black. (Warning, if you are offended by the word "fuck" don't watch this video.)

Congrats!

2007-05-22T17:14:00.000-07:00

I would like to officially congratulate Julia for winning the Eight Things About Me contest. Soon she will be receiving her SIGNED copy of Seasons of Seduction Volume I! Yay, Julia!

In other news, I just made an appointment for my third tattoo and I’m so excited! I’m scheduled to have the work done in a few weeks when I go to San Francisco with Scary Carrie. I’m hoping to go to RWA as the girl with the most tattoos!

Poetry Monday

2007-05-20T16:36:00.000-07:00

oh pointy bird,
Pointy pointy,
anoint my head,
Anointy-nointy

-Steve Martin

Happy Friday

2007-05-18T07:43:00.000-07:00

For when you should be writing:

I invented the Post-It

Gotta love Ducky

Professional Killer

Stretchy Pants

A school for Ants

John Again

Eight Random Things About Myself

2007-05-16T11:21:00.000-07:00

I keep getting tagged, so here we go:

1) I invented the Post-It
2) Someone once said to me, “This is a really volcanic ensemble you’re wearing.”
3) I stood up my prom date, joined the army, went into business for myself and became a professional killer.
4) Sometimes I wear stretchy pants in my room.
5) A few years ago I won a break-dance fight.
6) I just love finding new places to wear diamonds.
7) I can’t believe my grandmother felt me up!
8) I gave a girl my heart and she gave me a pen.

So there you have eight facts about Feisty. Be sure to check my comments.

Second Sale

2007-05-15T15:02:00.000-07:00

I'm so excited! I just found out Ellora's Cave wants my story, The Sting of Desire, for their Tarot series! Yay! Originally, I thought this story would be around 12K, but it's obvious these people need a full-length novel, so I have to write a ton between now and my deadline of June 30th. But that's okay because I love this story! It's totally different for me-it's an urban fantasy about a tarot card reader who gets tangled up with an undercover agent who wields a whip like nobody's business. What fun!

Alien Overnight

2007-05-14T21:16:00.001-07:00

Torture is eagerly waiting the release of a book you are dying to read and then having your laptop die the day you download it. That’s what happened to me last Wednesday, the day Robin Rotham’s book, Alien Overnight, was released.

Well, many days later, I was finally able to retrieve my computer from the Genius Bar and then I immediately proceeded to sit down and devour this amazing book. It was all I expected and more. This book is witty, hot, funny and bursting with chemistry-everything an erotic romance should be. I could rave about it forever but I’ll refrain because I know there will be many reviewers doing just that. Simply put, this book rocks. It’s an example of erotic romance at its best. Buy it here.

And here's a blurb:

Commander Kellen is on Earth recruiting women for his planet's sex-starved males. Not particularly excited by human anatomy, he seeks nothing more for himself than the occasional slaking of his needs with some anonymous female — which shouldn't be a problem, since she'll have to face the other way to accommodate his special anatomical needs.

Dr. Monica Teague is thrilled with her ten-year assignment caring for Garathan's sexual recruits. Her quirky looks and childish excuse for a body guarantee she'll never be expected to put out — which is kind of a bummer, now that she's up to her armpits in horny alien beefcake.

But, when an overdose of alien pheromones makes Monica drunk off her ass, Kellen quickly claims the odd little doctor before another Garathani realizes what she is. The overdose sparks a violent chain reaction in her, and when Monica finally wakes, she's got the body of a porn star — and two sexy alien mates who are determined to tame her.

If only she were as determined not to let them…

Poetry Monday

2007-05-14T09:52:00.000-07:00

The Satin Dress
by
Dorothy Parker

Needle, needle, dip and dart,
Thrusting up and down,
Where's the man could ease a heart
Like a satin gown?

See the stitches curve and crawl
Round the cunning seams-
Patterns thin and sweet and small
As a lady's dreams.

Wantons go in bright brocade;
Brides in organdie;
Gingham's for the plighted maid;
Satin's for the free!

Wool's to line a miser's chest;
Crepe's to calm the old;
Velvet hides an empty breast
Satin's for the bold!

Lawn is for a bishop's yoke;
Linen's for a nun;
Satin is for wiser folk-
Would the dress were done!

Satin glows in candlelight-
Satin's for the proud!
They will say who watch at night,
"What a fine shroud!"

So, tell me: what fabric are you?

Happy Friday

2007-05-11T14:01:00.000-07:00

So, my laptop is sick. I've been without it for almost 48 hours and I feel like I'm missing a limb. I know that's pretty sad but there you go. Hopefully I'll get it back tonight. The guys at The Genius Bar assured me that I wouldn't lose any data which is a very good thing since I haven't backed up my hard drive since before RT. Yes, I know how stupid that is.

Anyway, some of you out there will appreciate this David Blaine spoof. Have a great weekend!

Doll Porn/Erotic Art

2007-05-07T19:59:00.000-07:00

Today when I was cleaning out my office I found my collection of paper Mache dolls. Yes, I have a collection of paper Mache dolls. The dolls scare my husband, hence the forgotten box. So imagine my surprise when I emerged from the office and discovered him crouched on the rug, arranging the figures in various shocking positions and taking photographs of them. Only, these aren't the kind of photos you'll see in Doll Aficionado. No, these are x-rated shots and of course I am going to share them with you.

Warning: if you are easily offended by doll porn click here.

So the last one is actually kinda sweet, don't ya think?

Poetry Monday

2007-05-06T21:29:00.001-07:00

The Mailbox

I finger through
A pile of
Junk.
One envelope
Forwarded, yellow sticker
My heart speeds up and
I slide my nail
Under the seal and
find a check.
Royalties.
My name there
Right there
I’m a writer.

Shakira Friday

2007-05-04T09:40:00.000-07:00

Since I reference her in Dance of the Plain Jane, today I thought I'd post a little homage to Shakira. Enjoy.

Fog, Blowing and Star Wars

2007-05-01T17:47:00.000-07:00

I’m finally starting to emerge from the fog I’ve been walking around in since I’ve been home from RT. I think I’m still recovering from Sunday. Not only did I stay up way too late the night before, but my flight didn’t leave until 9 PM which put me in Reno around 1 AM Houston time. It was a long day and I was so freakin' happy to be in my car and on my way home.

Then five miles from the airport I blew a tire (no I didn’t actually BLOW the tire, you sicko, but if I had I wouldn’t gag on account of the fact that I’ve watched the video below). The thing just exploded. I managed to get my car to the side of the freeway and call a tow-truck driver. (What? You didn’t think I’d actually change the tire myself did you? Bless your heart.) But he informed me it would be at least two hours before he could get to me. This meant I would be sitting around on the side the road until the wee hours of the morning. Have you seen Reno 911? It’s a scarily accurate portrayal of this town. Instead I drove my poor, wobbling vehicle to the nearest open establishment, which happened to be a casino.

I called Manroot and he woke up the kid and they came and retrieved me. This is a two hour round trip endeavor that both men made without one grumble despite the fact that it was the middle of the night. When they arrived my kid was wide awake and looked pretty surprised to be picking up mommy in a casino parking lot at 1AM. I know. He should be used to this by now.

So I was absolutely exhausted by that point. Like, can’t-even-mumble-a-word tired. Which of course meant my two year old wanted to have a nice long conversation to fill me in on all his new words and phrases. They included:

Darth Vader and the “haaa haaa” breathing sound
Chewbacca
Wookie
See-Threepio
Jabba is scary
Rebel Alliance
Lando
Royal House of Alderaan

I quickly realized that while I was away Manroot and child watched Star Wars episode IV and V continuously. Forget Blue’s Clues, this kid now wants his Robots. This is fine with me. Yes, I've admitted to having a crush on Steve, but come on. I could really use those How Not To Gag techniques on Han Solo.

Anyway I think I’m finally getting back part of my brain. I actually wrote today, only 700 words but it’s better than nothing, right? Tomorrow will be better.

Post Traumatic Leaving RT Disorder

2007-04-30T21:19:00.000-07:00

I’m blue.

I miss running around with wings and fangs and a corset that made me fall over (in the middle of a conversation with the gorgeous Marianne Mancusi, no less), and meeting people who understand the importance of the perfect first sentence and dancing with cover models...and simply being surrounded by people who write and read romance. It’s overwhelming and exhausting and exhilarating. I’m counting the days until next year.

And planning costumes.

Here are a few more pictures:

R.G. and Eden

Nathalie Gray and me

Ryan, the Seasons of Seduction cover model

Tawny Taylor and Me

What happens at RT...

2007-04-29T13:38:00.000-07:00

It's all about the costumes!

Tawny Taylor and her amazing headpiece that she made herself!

Eden and Me

Nymphs

Fairies gettin' down

Karen and me

Eden, the naughty fairy

Faries eating bananas

Eden, Tawny Taylor and Jax

Jax and Me

Me and Christina Cross: Vampires from the (Wild) West

Lisa Fuller and her husband: what a hot couple!

My favorite pic of the trip

Solve your gag problem!

2007-04-23T13:53:00.001-07:00

Gotta love Sue Johanson!

The Landlord

2007-04-23T08:37:00.001-07:00

I'm off to RT!! Yay! Meanwhile, here is a Will Ferrel video for your pleasure. See you in a week!

2007-04-15T18:10:00.000-07:00

I’m writing about the one that got away. That guy you met for only a second, a minute or maybe an hour. A short meeting, but you still think about him. Wonder where he is now. Have you ever had that kind of instant connection? I’ve been asking some of my friends and I’m amazed at how many of them have really romantic, interesting stories. Do you have one? If you do, spill! I want to know.

By the way, this is my 100th blog!

2007-04-08T20:44:00.000-07:00

I’m so excited! The reviews are in for Ellora's Cavemen: Seasons of Seduction Volume I. I know I’ve said this before, but I feel so lucky to have my name included in an anthology with such phenomenal writers! Here’s what peeps are saying:

“This is one of the best compilations of wildly romantic stories that I have ever read…My particular favorites are Dance of the Plain Jane by Lillian Feisty and Come Howling by Denise Rossetti.”
-Mahaira Fatima, Just Erotic Romance Reviews

“Dance of the Plain Jane by Lillian Feisty is the tale of a woman who finally revels in her own allure. The entire story is erotic and I enjoyed it immensely.”
- Tara Renee, Two Lips Reviews

“Dance of the Plain Jane is a lusty tale, very hot and very erotic.”
Amelia, Joyfully Reviewed

“Flirty and fun, Michael and Jane’s chemistry is sizzling.”
-Sarah, A Romance Review

“Lillian Feisty thrilled me.”
-Chrissy, Romance Junkies

“For stand-out reads, check out Devlin's and Feisty's stories.”
Romantic Times

I hold each one of these reviewers in high regard, so needless to say, I’m thrilled they enjoyed this book.

Happy Friday

2007-04-06T08:35:00.001-07:00

Yesterday, I was shocked and slightly disturbed by all of the ladies out there who admitted to having a crush on Steve Burns from Blues Clues. I cannot even share with you the private correspondence I received because it’s x-rated. Let’s just say there are a few of you out there who want to be his blue dog.

I've never been able see past his wardrobe. So, I did a little research and, well, I think I may have changed my mind about Steve. He's ditched the pleated pants and striped shirt for cool sunglasses and an unkempt look. I hate to admit it but now I think he's kinda hot. Last night when my kid put on the DVD I looked at him in a new light. I just wanted to jump into the TV and—

Never mind.

Okay, here is a video of Steve Burns for your viewing pleasure. It's for adults and everything.

Need more info on Steve? Check this out.

2007-04-04T19:52:00.000-07:00

Thirteen Things about why my child scares me

1) He came OUT of my body. Am I the only one who thinks this is strange?
2) He only talks when he feels like it.
3) He eats chicken, but only if it’s shaped like dinosaurs and dipped in Ranch dressing. Have you ever seen a kid bite the limbs off dinosaur-shaped chicken? It’s sad. And creepy.
4) He will approach a large animal and pull its tail.
5) He will pick things off the ground and eat them. Like beetles, which apparently don’t need to be dipped in Ranch dressing.
6) He thinks electrical sockets are entertaining.
7) He can watch the same movie twice a day for a year and not be sick of it.
8) Sometimes he cries if I take off his shoes. They’re not particularly interesting shoes.
9) He can be incredibly cute, like a puppy.
10) He can be incredibly annoying, like a puppy.
11) I plan my life around naptime. And like it.
12) He fake cries.
13) He enjoys musicians I used to be fond of (thanks Eva) but now sing children’s songs that disturb me. Behold:

And if that didn't scare you, check out what Steve from Blue's Clues is up to (with a member of The Flaming Lips, no less):

Links to other Thursday Thirteens!
1. (leave your link in comments, I’ll add you here!)

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

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Mr. Romance, here I come!

2007-04-04T15:29:00.000-07:00

I'm going to the Romantic Times convention in Houston at the end of the month. I hedged about making the decision, but when I realized I was going to be able to dress up in a Moulin Rouge costume and have a picture of myself taken with the cover model for my first book I simply could not resist. I bought my ticket.

Now I need costumes for all the parties.

I already have quite a collection of costumes. So many in fact that at one point I needed a spare bedroom just to store them all. However, not even I have enough costumes on hand for all of the following themes:

Ellora’s Cave Moulin Rouge Party
The Fairy Ball
Vampires of the Wild Wild West
Dorchester’s Immortal Ball

So now I am putting together all these costumes. If you need me I’ll be on Ebay.

2007-04-01T20:06:00.000-07:00

Just in case someone happened to have noticed, I thought I better explain why I haven’t been around this past week. The truth is I’ve been writing. A lot. I wrote almost an entire novella this week, plus a synopsis. I became really engrossed in this story—couldn’t get these characters out of my head. Also, is was a kinkier story than I’m used to writing, so it exhausted my little brain. But Lacy gave me this idea and I had to run with it. My heroine is a little bit naughty. She likes to be watched, if you know what I mean. She also doesn’t mind a little pain with her pleasure, so I had lot of fun torturing her. The poor thing was chained to a ceiling for about ten pages before I got her down. Anyway, I subbed it to EC for their Torrid Tarot series. I hope they like it.

In other news I watched Stranger than Fiction. I loved it. Several of my friends had told me I was the baker. I’m still not sure why, except she’s feisty and has tattoos and is passionate about baking. I'm not much of a baker but I do force feed people things like chicken mole.

What are you up to? Seen any good movies lately?

I'm a novelty!

2007-03-25T17:14:00.000-07:00

I'm a guest blogger at The Novelty Girls today! Go check it out!

The season continues...

2007-03-22T21:46:00.000-07:00

The Dating Season!

My good friend, the fantabulous Shelli Stevens, has a new release today! Before I’d ever met Shelli I purchased her book Tourist Attraction from Cobblestone Press and I loved it! Nowadays I'm fortunate enough to call this author my good friend, one of the perks of which being I get little previews of all her books. So, trust me! You don't want to miss this!

Being raised with three brothers, Jada Lassiter has a habit of getting into trouble. And this time trouble shows up at the shifter resort her family owns in two forms: a sexy werejaguar who’s made it clear he wants her in his bed. And an evil from her past, determined to have revenge.

Antonio Grant is a bounty hunter who came to the exclusive Still Waters resort to track down a criminal. He never expected to find his mate, or to realize her life is in jeopardy by the very man he’s hunting.

You can buy it here!

I'm happy dancing!

2007-03-21T09:11:00.000-07:00

Ellora's Cavemen Seasons of Seduction I is out today! I'm so excited-not only is this my first release, but the first erotic story I wrote! In fact, I had taken a long break from writing until last year. Then, thanks to some amazing women I met last summer (more on that later), I was encouraged to go for it! I did, and Plain Jane is the result. I was inspired by pictures of belly dancers, exotic music and San Diego. Those things made me want to write something sexy and romantic-I hope you think I reached that goal.

I'm so lucky to be included in an anthology with these amazing writers, I can't believe MY name is on that cover! (Well, it’s not really. Believe it or not LILLIAN FEISTY is not my real name but it's all quite exciting regardless!)

Here’s a little excerpt (edited to keep things short and G rated):

She dances…

Her fantasy was coming alive. The cute guy and his friend were grinding right along with her, and two more boys were saddling up behind her as well. She stole a glance at Michael and was very satisfied to see a vein pulsing along his jaw line. But he hadn’t moved. Not yet.

Five of them now, surrounding her—behind her, pressing against her back as she rubbed against a foreign body—at her side, fondling her arm, breathing on her neck. Her skin burned as men engulfed her. She lifted her arms above her head as she played out the song, grinding her hips, and when the blond guy stepped up and positioned his leg in just the right spot for her to ride him that’s exactly what she did.

Just when her crotch made contact, it ended. The boys were gone, scattered into the crowd like so much confetti, and Michael stood in their place, looking pissed off and dangerous.

“You should really stop throwing people around like that. It’s not nice.”

In response he grabbed her arm and dragged her along as he weaved their way off the dance floor. Abby looked ready to pounce, but Jane stopped her with a meaningful look. She wanted to deal with this herself.

She ran to keep up with him, down a graffiti-covered hallway until they reached a door that he kicked open and pulled her through. They landed in a back alley, their only company a dim streetlight.

She looked up into his narrowed eyes, noticed the deep frown of his mouth, the severe lock of his jaw.

When he stepped closer, lowered his head toward hers, backed her right up against the cement-block wall, Jane sucked in her breath. He looked menacing, dangerous… She should have run.

Instead she waited for his lips to touch hers.

He went deeper to trace her collarbone with hot, whispery kisses.

His hands gripped her arms, steadying her shaking body as he moved lower, softly kissed her breast through the lace of her dress, then her stomach, and when his head was level with her thighs she pushed forward, silently begging him to press his mouth to her there…

Okay, that's all you get! If you want to read more, you can buy the book from Ellora's Cave or from your local bookstore.

'Tis the season...

2007-03-19T13:57:00.000-07:00

the season for seduction!

I've heard a lot gals sighing over the man on the cover of this book (which releases WEDNESDAY, by the way).

Well, the model's name is Ryan, and he was born in Zimbabwe, likes fitness and includes The Clan of the Cave Bear as a favorite read. Need more info on Ryan? Then click here to see some more pics and read a great interview by the amazing and prolific EC author Nathalie Gray.

Pay attention to the interview 'cause there will be a quiz on Wednesday. I'm giving away a prize and everything!

I finally saw the new James Bond and...

2007-03-16T21:05:00.000-07:00

I didn’t love it.

Okay, hold your tomatoes. I know most of you thought this movie was the greatest thing since sliced bread. Hey, maybe this is your fault! I was expecting something absolutely mind-blowing and amazing and everything else.

This wasn’t. Not for me, anyway.

Sure, Daniel Craig is sexy and those blue eyes…yes, I think he’s totally hot (I adored him in the movie Layer Cake, BTW). His body is very nice, and I even got over those Zoolander looks he kept giving the camera. But…this wasn’t my favorite James Bond movie and I’ll tell you why:

He was kind of a pussy.

There, I said it. Sorry, but it’s not supposed go this way for 007: JAMES BOND does not get his balls whipped (literally!). He does not RESIGN from his job for some chick and he certainly does not get all teary-eyed and bitter when she dies. He moves on, and with panache. (He should have seen this coming you know; it’s happened before. James Bond had a wife who got murdered. Fool me once, etcetera…)

Okay, go ahead and leave your nasty comments because I didn’t adore this film. But let me say that if this was not labeled a JAMES BOND movie, I would have liked it much better. To me, this was more like the Borne Identity, a movie I absolutely adored. I expect something totally different out of a James Bond flick. I mean, there was only good gadget scene and Bond couldn’t even make the thingy work to save his life! What kind James Bond is that?

What can I say? I’m an old school James Bond fan. I like him alpha, unrealistic, and I don’t want to see him puke in the bathroom.

Now, having said all that, I want to reiterate what I earlier stated which is that Daniel Craig is one sexy man. Despite the script that disappointed me, I thought he did a nice job and I think he’s my favorite Bond since Sean Connery. I just don’t want to see him screaming as he gets his balls whipped in the next film.

Unless they show said balls, of course. But then it would be another type of film entirely...

2007-03-15T11:35:00.001-07:00

Thirteen Things I Loved About My Vacation

1) Waking up to the sound of the ocean.
2) Drinking Mai Tais all day long.
3) Hot surfers.
4) Eating Mangos all day long.
5) Not bothering to get dressed.
6) Not watching television
7) Getting lost in an amazing book!
8) Floating in the sea.
9) Playing in the sand.
10) Watching an old native lady swim like a mermaid.
11) Eating Ahi Sashimi.
12) Chatting with the bartender who made my Mai Tais.
13) Enjoying Pina Coladas and getting caught in the rain…

2007-02-28T21:01:00.000-08:00

In my black silk lingerie I write this, reclining on my velvet-covered chaise lounge, staring through the window into the rain while sipping sparkling wine out of an Irish crystal champagne flute. It’s a laborious occupation, and while I immensely enjoy penning tales of adventure and love and brawny men with bulging biceps and obscenely large fleshroots, once in awhile Ms. Feisty needs a well deserved holiday. And so, my trashy peeps, I bid you adieu. Soon, I shall be enjoying the salty water, the humid air and the potent cocktails of the South Pacific Sea. Kiss, kiss! I'll miss you all! (But I'll be back in two weeks.)

Meanwhile, my beloved would like to share a story with you. Simply click on the link below…

EDITED: CLICK ON THE FREAKIN' LINK! YOU WON'T BE SORRY!

How Did I End Up On The Cover Of This Romance Novel?

They ain't no Nickleback (thank God)

2007-02-28T10:17:00.001-08:00

But boy, they make me hot.

Let's hear it for The Eagles of Death Metal!

Rebel Without a Cause

2007-02-27T17:28:00.000-08:00

I was driving 60 in a 35 and I got pulled over by an fat, bald cop. He wanted proof of my insurance, I didn't have any, and he wrote me up. I then (ahem) forgot to go to the courthouse and prove that I do, in fact, pay State Farm an insane amount of money each year to insure my 1979 Mercedes diesel sedan. (I was a little depressed by the whole event. I mean, my breasts used to get me out of tickets. Now they only get 10 miles per hour knocked off, and I still have to prove I have insurance. For fuck's sake, my breasts used to be my insurance!)

I received this in the mail today. Yes, I will soon have a warrant out for my arrest, and I doubt that stripper cop will show up to "arrest" me like last time. Too bad. I was hoping he'd bring his flashlight...

Question: what purpose do flashlight vibrators serve?

2007-02-25T14:22:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I’m as kinky as the next girl, but I just cannot figure out why one would need a flashlight feature on one’s vibrator. Are you expecting a power outage? Can you not find your pleasure button in the dark? Furthermore, if this is a group effort, what is your partner expecting to find down there?

Why have my thoughts strayed to flashlight vibrators this fine Sunday morning? Well, my friend (we’ll call her Scary) received a flashlight vibrator for Valentine’s day. It was a very sweet gift from her beloved husband, and apparently the flashlight was an added, unexpected bonus. When they turned the puppy on, viola! A little lightshow for the peepshow.

I thought laser light shows went out in the 80’s. But hey, I’m willing to try anything. I just might need some Pink Floyd to get me in the mood.

Yahoo IM is the devil.

2007-02-23T09:30:00.000-08:00

And so is Emma Petersen.

If you would like some insight into what I do when I should be blogging/writing/saving mankind, just click here to see an example.

It's okay, though. I mean, we were talking about writing after all. Right?

Still. Yahoo IM is the devil, and so is Emma for posting that. However, I thank her because right this minute I vow to spend a lot less time IMming and more time writing. Oh, and be careful what you type. You never know who might decide repost it on her blog...

Be careful what you wish for.

2007-02-11T16:40:00.000-08:00

I recently informed Mr. Manroot that I wanted-no, needed-a four-wheel drive vehicle. Our new house is at the end of a dirt road that isn’t county maintained, and it's quite possible that, during or after a bad storm, we’d be unable to make it through the muddy quagmire that takes us to town. And, because we live in the Sierras, storms are fairly common, and I don’t wanna be stuck in the house on account of some rain and snow. (I have a two year old, need I say more?)

So, as I was saying, I told my husband I wanted to trade in my car for something a little more rugged. You know, like a Jeep or a Toyota 4Runner or whatever. I just wanna be able to get to the store for milk and tequila and chips when it’s raining, ya know?

Right. I guess I should have been more clear. Or maybe I should have considered the fact that Mr. Manroot can be a little extreme at times, and he loves any opportunity to release his inner survivalist. Because instead of a Jeep or a 4Runner or whatever, I am now the proud owner of a 1974 Pinzgauer. What was that you said? You don’t know what a 1974 Pinzgauer is? Well, let me show you!

Isn’t it lovely? And such a retro shade of army green—sure to look smashing with my new pink peep-toe pumps.

When I told Mr. Manroot I wanted a Hummer, I think he thought I said I wanted to run over Hummers. That’s right. This thing will supposedly scurry right over the lesser SUVs if need be. Oh, and Mr. Manroot excitedly told me you can fit fifteen troops in the back.

“Troops?” I asked. “Don’t you mean people?”
“Whatever! This thing can climb up a vertical hill!”
"Oh, my."
"And! It goes almost 75 miles per hour!"
“Great, honey. That’s—just—wow.”

I’m really trying to be excited. I mean, I’m sure the nineteen inches of ground clearance will come in really handy at Target (those speed bumps are a bitch). Plus, if I get hungry, I can pull out my wine and cheese and eat in a civilized manner at the table:

Also, when I buy bulk amounts of paper towels from Costo, there’s plenty of room in the back:

So, that’s the new four-wheel drive. Now all I need to do is figure out how to make all those knobs and pulls make it go...

Next time you feel the urge to run over a Hummer, stop by. As soon as he gets back from picking up the Pinzgauer in Baja, I'm sure Mr. Manroot would be more than happy to give you a demo.

Oh, and bring the troops.

Take a Leap

2007-02-04T21:45:00.000-08:00

If you've ever wondered about love and fate the one that got away, be sure to check out this new release from Antonia Pearce.

What would you do with twenty-four more hours with the lost love of your life?

Merryn Porter finds out when a freak accident kills her as she saves her best friends on their wedding day. Unaware she’s dead, she’s also forgotten the bride’s brother died ten years earlier. She does remember he broke her heart.

Luke Hanson has been waiting in limbo to atone for rejecting his beloved Merryn and Fate cuts him a deal: twenty-four hours to make up for her suffering. If he succeeds, she gets another shot at life.

A miracle really, but everything has a price…

You can buy it here.

My cover

2007-02-01T16:23:00.000-08:00

He's like a bad, bad, young Fabio.

I have a date!

2007-01-22T09:07:00.000-08:00

A release date, that is.

Dance of the Plain Jane will be released digitally and in print on March 21st as part of the first anthology from the 2007 Ellora's Cavemen series.

Sqeeeee.

It occurs to me that now would be a good time to post a blurb, and I happen to have one right here:

Shy Jane Holliday has loved sexy Navy SEAL Michael Sky from afar for over a year, keeping her secret close to her heart. But one night the sultry beat of an exotic drum loosens her inhibitions and empowers her to seduce her dream lover.

It’s the wrong time and place, but the instant Michael spots the veiled dancer weaving her sensual magic he’s stopped dead in his tracks. His hands itch to touch not just the curve of her undulating hips but every spot on her enchanting body.

Who seduces whom isn’t important as Jane’s erotic fantasies are fulfilled by this loving virtual stranger. But waking up alone after revealing her deepest, darkest desire reminds Jane that in the light of day, she can only trust herself. Even that trust is challenged when her inner Goddess demands Jane consider Michael’s seductive offer to bind them together forever.

In Your Eyes

2007-01-18T18:27:00.000-08:00

As most of you know, I love movies. If I were so talented, I'd attempt a screenplay, but that is not my forte, so I'm sticking with romance novel writing. However, whenever I'm in a "mood" or I'm stumped, I pull out one of my old favs, plop my ass onto the sofa and attempt to get motivated by brilliance on film. I simply cannot imagine living without film at my fingertips, because it provides such a remarkable amount of inspiration for me.

So, when I discovered that my friend who shall remain nameless owns a DVD player, but has yet to hook it up, I felt compelled to bribe her into making it work. In exchange I promised to send her some of my favorite flicks.

Hmm. Thinking, I put my finger to the side of my mouth, looked to the sky and began pondering. What to send? What are my absolute top, most beloved romantic movies of all time?

Well, here’s what I came up with in under five minutes, in no particular order (I’m sure most of which are fairly predictable).

French Kiss (Kevin Klein has the biggest hands)
Lost in Translation (I love Charlotte; I identify with her more than any character in a movie ever)
It Happened One Night (Clark Gable, Claudette Colbert, need I say more?)
Punch Drunk Love (my favorite sex scene in a movie ever)
Harold and Maude (see what the Bay Area looked like 20 years ago)
Sixteen Candles (Jake and a cake!)
A New Leaf (see previous blog)
Bridget Jones’ Diary (I like you just the way you are)
The Sure Thing (I think John Cusack was like 16 in this movie)
His Girl Friday (awww)
Singles (Mat Dillon with long hair, sigh)
Shopgirl (as good as the book)
Pride and Prejudice (The A&E version, duh)
It’s All Gone Pete Tong (simply fantastic and shot in Spain)
Annie Hall (amazing)
Gross Point Blank (An assasin with a heart of gold? Be still my heart. Plus, it has THE best movie soundtrack ever)
Say Anything (I’ve had a thing for trench coats ever since )

Okay, I’l stop, although I know I’ll wake up tonight around 2AM with ten more titles. Please, trashy peeps, tell me what gets your motor running (and tell me why, if you feel so inclined). I’m dying to know!

An interesting video about spiders.

2007-01-16T17:50:00.001-08:00

I know I'm still a teenager (in my mind) 'cause I think this is very amusing.

I'm a bad, bad girl.

2007-01-12T08:53:00.000-08:00

I'm staring at the huge mess that is my new house.

I'm one of those people who starts a project and then kind of . . . sort of . . . flutters . . . away. The current result of this personality trait is that I now have a lot of semi-completed projects making a muddle of my house.

Examples: Each room in my messy house is only partially painted (note to self: drinking wine while faux-painting walls late at night turns out to be one of the many things that doesn’t look nearly as good in the morning). I changed the hardware on my kitchen cabinets, but only 3/4ths of them (bright orange knobs don’t look so good next to amethyst knobs, by the way, but all that scrwedrivering was hurting my wrist, so I had to stop). I've unpacked some dishes, but haven’t' broken down the boxes (I’m hoping the box fairy will come and take them away, but the bitch has yet to make an appearance).

My kid’s in school today, which means I have a few hours to finish up some of these projects. I’m looking at my entryway, which is part white and part yellow. The paint can is just sitting there, looking bored. I should go open it up and finish those walls. Really, I should. I should catch up on work for my other job. Really, I should. I should start that writing prompt that Robin sent, me. Really I should.

I shouldn’t go to World Market and look at rugs. Really, I shouldn’t.

I know. I'm a bad, bad girl.

Bringing Paxil Back!

2007-01-10T20:29:00.001-08:00

It's like they made it just for me!

Sooo, yeah #2

2007-01-08T23:04:00.000-08:00

You know how it is. Life gets in the way of writing, you close down that book you've been working on and before you know it you haven't written anything worthwhile in over a month.

Or two months.

Okay, so maybe that's just me. I know some of my friends (Shelli, Emma, Lacy, the bitches) have aching fingers from all the writing they’ve been doing.

My fingers, however, are cramp free.

Remember NANO? Well, so do I. I remember it as this great goal that I failed to achieve. I plotted it out on my shiny white storyboard, had my Post-Its all ready to go with chapter numbers and character traits and all kinds of lovely little color-coded plot points. I even wrote down my daily word count goal in pink dry-erase pen.

And it was great for the first week or so. Lots of impressive pink numbers. And then. . .

And then. Chair dancing in Pebble Beach. Thanksgiving. Moving. Christmas. Moving again. Total emotional upheaval. Life altering decisions.

Time gone. No writing done.

I opened up that story tonight, read the first few pages. Don't you love it when you pick up some old MS and think, "Wow! that was really good. I do have some talent!"

Yeah, that didn't happen. I picked up that NANO book and thought "Wow! That is complete shit!"

But I’m going to fix it. I like this book, regardless of the shallow writing and huge plot gaps. I love this hero. He can throw knives and has a really cool car! And, I don’t think I need to mention that he is really, really good looking. Also, he’s a good listener. I just discovered that. He hangs on to every word that comes out of my heroine’s mouth. What more could a girl want?

And the sex. . . I’m jealous of them.

So, I’m writing. Creaking along. I’m targeting this book for a NY pub. We’ll see if that ever becomes a reality.

Sooo, yeah.

2007-01-08T21:39:00.000-08:00

Nice weather we're having.

Read any good books lately?

Is that your partner in the chipper, there?

Okay. I'm trying to get back into writing and blogging and writing and. . . yeah. Sooo. Um.

Looks like rain, don't ya think?

01-07-07

2007-01-07T22:33:00.000-08:00

Two years ago today I pushed an 8.5-pound baby boy through my velvet love canal.

It was a surprise. No, it wasn’t a shocker the day I actually delivered him. I mean, the 60 pounds I gained and ugly shoes I was forced to shove my swollen feet into gave away the fact that I had an alien growing inside of me long before the doctor pulled the watermelon-headed kid through my aforementioned velvet love canal.

In fact, the kid started surreptitiously messing with my body the minute he became a tadpole.

I remember making pizza, and looking down at my stomach and wondering why the midsection of my dress was covered in flour. And then I went away for weekend to a friend’s house at the beach along with Scary Carrie and her mother. That night, after the long drive, I didn’t feel so hot, so I plopped down on the sofa in my pajamas. Carrie’s mother scowled at my protruding belly and demanded, “Oh my God, what’s wrong with you? You’re stomach’s huge!”

I looked down, started crying, and wailed, “Nothing! I’m just fat!

Well, turns out I wasn’t just fat. I mean, it’s not like anyone’s ever called me Twiggy or anything, but my tummy was just out of control. Suddenly every time I prepared a meal I had to wash my shirt ‘cause of all the food accumulation around my middle.

The night we got home from Pebble Beach I still didn’t feel so hot. So, I poured myself a glass of wine (I’m of Irish descent—my grandmother taught me spirits cure all), looked down at my tummy and began to wonder. Noooo. It couldn’t be. My husband and I had been married ten years, and never tried for children. We liked to travel, liked our freedom, and we were very aware of the fact that neither of us were equipped to competently handle a toddler’s meltdown in a grocery store. Still, we had never said outright that we were Never going to have children.

Yet, we Never tried very hard not to have them, either.

While I was drinking my wine and eyeing my protruding belly, and thinking that the wine tasted just a tad off, I thought about the EPT test under the bathroom sink, shoved behind the teeth whitening kit that I never use and the toilet bowl cleaner that I also never use.

My husband was obliviously watching some show about surviving in the wilderness with nothing but an airplane wing and Fritos as survival tools, and I moseyed on past him, went to our bathroom, dug out the pregnancy test, peed on the stick and watched it instantly turn into the color that said, “Hey! Put down that wine!”

Now, two years later, I have this kid, this person in my house who demands things and wants things and refuses to sit still in a restaurant. I still look at him and wonder who he his. Who will he be? Why does he want to go to sleep with a train clutched in his hand? Why does adore he macaroni and cheese so much? Why does he think I have the answer to so many questions?

So. What’s my point? I don’t really have one. Just that two years ago today I delivered a living thing into this world. And now this little person runs around, hugs me, bites me, says, “No!” a lot and looks at me as if I know Things. He says sentences, and likes guacamole. He’s an individual.

And, for all my opinions about parenting, the only thing I was right about was the fact that I am, indeed, ill-equipped to competently handle tantrums in grocery stores.

Mexico, May, 06

We can do it 'till we both wake up!

2007-01-05T02:09:00.001-08:00

I Wanna Sex You Up - Color Me Badd

And now a dick in a box!

2007-01-05T01:58:00.001-08:00

This coming year I vow to embrace my inner submarine.

2006-12-31T11:32:00.000-08:00

The Flapper
Dorothy Parker

The playful flapper here we see,
The fairest of the fair.
She's not what Grandma used to be, --
You might say, au contraire.
Her girlish ways may make a stir,
Her manners cause a scene,
But there is no more harm in her
Than in a submarine.
She nightly knocks for many a goal
The usual dancing men.
Her speed is great, but her control
Is something else again.
All spotlights focus on her pranks.
All tongues her prowess herald.
For which she well may render thanks
To God and Scott Fitzgerald.

Her golden rule is plain enough -
Just get them young and treat them rough.

Happy New Year Trashy Peeps!

I'm baaack. Kind of.

2006-12-30T14:36:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I haven't blogged in over a week. Let's see, during that time I've:

moved
bought a new house
had a birthday
drove 12 hours in a snowstorm with 3 dogs and a baby
had a merry Christmas
obsessed over which shade of orange to paint my entryway (desert orange? Baja orange? lifevest orange? salmonberry?)
drank a lot of wine
fell over multiple times on my new mountain bike
enjoyed some lovely So Cal weather
not written one word.

Monday I go home to the new house. Mr. Manroot doesn't arrive until Friday, so pray I'm smart enough to set up my own internet connection.

How were you my lovely Trashy Peeps?

2006-12-18T19:29:00.000-08:00

Who didn't love Ducky? Did you know that, in the original version, Molly Ringlwald was supposed to end up with him at the end of the movie? I guess she couldn't handle the Tenderness.

Oh, sorry. This isn't one of my amazing movie posts. It's a movING update instead. Our bed is gone and we have no forks. I know, but those are the things I miss most. Strange but true, just like me. We're about to leave our house and go to our neighbor's, where' we'll stay tonight. We'll come back tomorrow to clean and then we have the walk-through on Wed.

Then we no longer live here. So, I'll be on the road for the next few weeks, and things will be crazy, but I'll be checking in all your blogs, and I promise, and I'll post whenever I get the chance. Oh, and I've noticed some new faces around here recently! Thanks for stopping by!

And, since Mel said my My Space picture was very Molly Ringwald, I'll beg you this:

Don't you forget about me!
Hey, hey, hey, hey
Ohhh...

If only I had a buck for every time I ended a post with the words Ohhh...

Oh, here's a sneak peak on the new house.

I wonder if Molly and Ducky would live in the high desert.

The last to know.

2006-12-17T21:11:00.000-08:00

The lovely Karen informed me that I have an Author Page over at EC. Who? Me? Um, I had no idea that I have an Author Page!

I know! I'm a moron! But it just never occurred to me to look. When I squeed to Emma and Meg they were both like, um yeah. We saw that awhile ago.

They looked for me? I haven't even looked for myself.

Thanks, girls.

Going to pack now.

Oh my God! There's a penis on your tree!

2006-12-15T12:27:00.000-08:00

So, I'm invited to an ornament exchange party tonight. Have you ever been to one? It goes a little something like this: Each guest brings a gift-wrapped ornament. Each guest plucks a number out of a hat and then is allowed to pick one present off the table. The guest then opens her ornament, shows it to the group who presently oohs and aaws and then the next guest either chooses a new wrapped gift or steals an ornament from someone who has already opened her package.

And so on, and so on. It's actually quite fun if you're drunk enough.

This group of women will spend a lot of time and money on their ornaments. These ornaments won't be the typical World Market variety, no siree. We're talking boutique ornaments, one-of-a-kind pieces with one-of-a-kind price tags, and whoever brings the most popular one can pass out that night knowing she is the superior ornament shopper. In this particular group that really is saying a lot, as shopping is one of their biggest hobbies.

I can't compete with them, and I know it, so I'm bringing this:

Straight from the porn store.

I'm so busy packing, I have no time. . .

2006-12-15T12:04:00.001-08:00

So I decided to spend hours making my My Space (or Stalker Space as my friends call it) page! Check it out and friend me, if you like.

Feisty Space

More than just a pretty face!

2006-12-14T17:00:00.002-08:00

Would you like to be married someday?

Yes. I'm looking for a woman with a really good sense of humor. There is only so much time you can spend looking at another person without conversation.

Yes, Fabio, yes, YES! You stated so eloquently what I've been feeling for so long . . . I never knew you were so philosophical. Beauty, brains and hair. What more could a girl want?

Ah, the good old days. . .

2006-12-13T19:29:00.000-08:00

I thought you might like to see the difference between my house last December:

and this December:

Our dining room last year:
And this year:

Ah, the good old days. Oh well, at least the packing will be over soon. Seven days to go. Or, six days twelve hours, to be exact.

Anyway, our kid isn't quite two, so he has no idea that Santa is skipping the Feisty house this year. Think I'll hear about it later on, when he sends me his therapy bill?

Now we're movin' with PODS!

2006-12-11T18:47:00.000-08:00

Step One: POD is delivered.

Step Two: Your husband puts the STUFF in the POD (all the while complaining about how much STUFF you have, as if he hasn't any STUFF at all, not even five tons of receipts that date back ten years).

Step Three: The POD sits in your driveway until it's filled to capacity with STUFF.

Step Four: After the POD is filled up (shockingly fast) with STUFF, the POD is taken away to an undisclosed location and a second POD is delivered so you can fill that one up with STUFF, too.

Oh, make sure to remove all children from boxes before moving said boxes to the POD.

Stay tuned for more titillating tales from the Move of the Feistys!

Vibrating Boxes

2006-12-07T09:31:00.000-08:00

So, I picked up this box to put in the truck and it started vibrating. Robin, this one's for you. (Yes, I did just take this video.)

You Know You're Old When

2006-12-04T21:01:00.000-08:00

You choose to watch Supernanny rather than The Billboard Music Awards.

I think I used be a writer

2006-12-04T18:10:00.000-08:00

I've been a bad blogger and I'm sorry. But, moving has consumed my life. My day goes like this:

Wake up.
Drink coffee.
Pack.
Eat luch.
Pack.
Drink wine.
Pack while drinking wine.
Pass out.

Seriously. My brain is consumed by boxes, packing, and signing papers. Oh, I also think I have a toddler in the mix somewhere.

We've decided to be out before Christmas. That means we have 3 weeks to be totally out of our house.

That's only 21 days away.

Eeek.

Boxes boxes everywhere

2006-12-01T09:05:00.000-08:00

Our house is still in escrow and we're packing away. We have so much stuff, it's just overwhelming. Luckily, Scary Carrie came over yesterday and packed up my entire kitchen and dining room. I guess this makes up for her running me off the road that time.

And we made an offer on another house. After a while we all came to an agreement on a price and, it all goes as planned (cross your fingers), we will be moving there sometime between now and January 15th.

So, that's the quick update. Buying and selling a house at the same time is really time consuming and I've given myself the month of December to concentrate on things other than writing.

Merry Christmas, Yo!

2006-11-28T20:07:00.000-08:00

Thanks to Mel, you're about to find out more about my Christmas rituals than you ever wanted to know!

1. Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate? Hot Toddies.

2. Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree? Santa sits on the sofa, drinking Hot Toddies as he watches Mrs. Clause wrapping presents. He sometimes spanks her when she doesn't tie a bow exactly just so.

3. Colored lights on tree/house or white? Colors, colors and more colors! I also like like lights shaped like cowboy boots and chili peppers.

4. Do you hang mistletoe? Nope, too dangerous. I see it and I can’t control myself. I just kiss anybody standing under it and it scares people. Especially the elderly.

5. When do you put your decorations up? I never take them down.

6. What is your favorite holiday dish? Cosmopolitans. What? They’re colorful and festive!

7. Favorite Holiday memory as a child: The day I discovered Chex-Mix. What? It goes awesome with Cosmopolitans!

8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa? I never believed in Santa. Only Jesus.

9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve? Yes Yes Yes! All of them!

10. How do you decorate your Christmas Tree? Well, I sit on the sofa (drinking Cosmopolitans and eating Chex-Mix) while I direct my husband as to the correct placement of every ornament.

11. Snow! Love it or Dread it? Love it. I can write my name in it.

12. Can you ice skate? I can ice-maul very well, so watch out!

13. Do you remember your favorite gift? One year my father gave me an IOU for a jewelry box. If he had actually ever given me the jewelry box I'm sure it would have been my favorite present ever.

14. What’s the most important thing about the Holidays for you? Christmas Eve. I love to sit there looking at the tree, feeling all peaceful and listening to Christmas music. It’s the most special night of the year.

15. What is your favorite Holiday Dessert? Cosmopolitans.

16. What is your favorite holiday tradition? Opening presents.

17. What tops your tree? Me! (I mean when I get drunk singing Karaoke and fall into it. Sadly, it’s happened. It’s an event I like to call Tree Diving.)

18. Which do you prefer giving or receiving? Duh! It’s all about me!

19. What is your favorite Christmas Song? Santa Baby by Eartha Kitt. I mean, who can resist these lyrics?

Santa honey, one little thing I really need, the deed
To a platinum mine,
Santa baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight

Santa cutie, and fill my stocking with a duplex and cheques,
Sign your x on the line

A platinum mine and a duplex? How random in that? Oh, and I have always loved Christmas Is by Run DMC.

Give up your dough!
Give up your dough!
Give up your dough on Christmas, Yo!

20. Candy Canes! Yuck or Yum? Yummy!

Okay, Ellen, Meg and Robin. Consider yourselves tagged.

Naïve Melody

2006-11-27T15:22:00.000-08:00

By the time I turned ten my family (my mother, my brother and me) had lived in 25 houses, not including the time we spent actually living out of a VW van, or in campgrounds. Then, when I was in fifth grade, we moved from Humboldt County to the Bay Area and for the next seven years we lived in one house. For us, it was a record length of time.

I moved one more time with my mother, when she rented a house in a nearby community. It was, by far, the nicest house we had ever lived in, and in a great neighborhood. No more stop sign just outside our door. We had a TV room. We had a spare bedroom. We got a dog. I was seventeen and I thought we’d be there forever.

Then my mother passed away. Her death was unexpected and abrupt and suddenly I was 17 and being kicked out of my house. I was moving again.

Over the next ten years I moved at least twice every year. Then my husband somehow coerced me into moving to Nevada. He promised it would only be for 3 years, and I was counting every minute. After we signed the offer for the Nevada house I cried the entire four hour car ride back home to the Bay Area, and when we moved into the house 30 days later I cried every day of the entire first year I lived here.

I hated it. I hated the snow, I hated the bad art, I hated the fact that there were no bookstores anywhere, and I hated the food. I’m from a place where any cuisine that strikes your fancy is just a short jaunt away, and it’s probably cheap, too. Not so in Nevada.

And the culture, or more accurately lack thereof. I have a degree in Creative Arts—basically cultural studies, and to suddenly be without any museums, theatre or even a place to catch an independent movie was simply torture for me.

We moved here in October, when winter starts in the Sierras, and I didn’t see another person for six months.

And, worst of all, there were no bookstores. Not one.

So, during the first years we lived here, I wouldn’t be exaggerating to say I was either traveling elsewhere or crying at home.

What’s the point to all this whining? Well, I had a realization at around two a.m. this morning. Here it is:

I’ve lived my entire life in an indeterminate state—in some kind of holding pattern until the next place. And sometimes that place wasn’t even a house. Twice we sold all our possessions and went traveling. I’ve always tended to feel more at home living out of a suitcase than a closet.

But something happened while I wasn’t looking. I changed.

The three years turned into seven. My suitcase gets taken out of the closet less and less. San Francisco seems less like utopia and more like suburbia. I think my neighbors are awesome. I’ve met some amazing people who are more like family than friends, and they all live less than 15 minutes away. I’m part of a community.

We’ve had our house for sale because that’s what I wanted, right? To move back to civilization? To go somewhere new and different? To live out of a suitcase.

But I’m not sure I want those things anymore. I’m sick of living in limbo. For the first time ever, I want to move into a house without an occupancy end date. I want a home, a place to raise the kid. And you know what else? Maybe I’m being naïve, maybe I’ll want to sell everything and travel the world next year, but right now I want to stay in Nevada.

This must be the place.

I’ve had this Talking Heads tune stuck in my head for days. You can go take a listen on Itunes, but I think the lyrics stand nicely on their own.

This Must be the Place (Naive Melody) Lyrics

Home is where I want to be
Pick me up and turn me round
I feel numb - born with a weak heart
I guess I must be having fun
The less we say about it the better
Make it up as we go along
Feet on the ground
Head in the sky
It's ok I know nothing's wrong . . nothing

Hi yo I got plenty of time
Hi yo you got light in your eyes
And you're standing here beside me
I love the passing of time
Never for money
Always for love
Cover up and say goodnight . . . say goodnight

Home - is where I want to be
But I guess I'm already there
I come home - she lifted up her wings
Guess that this must be the place
I can't tell one from another
Did I find you, or you find me?
There was a time Before we were born
If someone asks, this is where I'll be . . . where I'll be

Hi yo We drift in and out
Hi yo sing into my mouth
Out of all those kinds of people
You got a face with a view
I'm just an animal looking for a home
Share the same space for a minute or two
And you love me till my heart stops
Love me till I'm dead
Eyes that light up, eyes look through you
Cover up the blank spots
Hit me on the head Ah ooh

Stuff, stuff and more stuff. I want to snuff my stuff.

2006-11-25T19:39:00.000-08:00

All I'm doing is looking around my house and thinking about all the crap I have to start packing. Ug. How can two people and a kid have so much stuff? It's just scary.

The worst part is I can't even think about writing. Actually, I've been thinking about it, just not doing it. Packing and writing is simply to much for my brain to handle during the same month.

Anyone out there manage to keep writing during a move? If so, give some advice not including vodka or Xanax. Those don't seem to be helping at all.

Gobble Gobble Gone

2006-11-23T22:37:00.000-08:00

1) What was your favorite sidedish?
2) Do you eat everything together on one forkful, or in seperate bites?
3 Did you have to change into sweats after dinner?
4) What time did you start drinking cocktails?

I'll start.

1) Stuffing
2) Together
3) Yes
4) 2:00 PM (Bloody Marys)

Or, just share something interesting about your Thanksgiving. I'm listening.

Sniff. We're moving.

2006-11-22T09:14:00.000-08:00

This is what I posted at Romance Divas about moving.

Our house has been for sale for nearly a year and I was in denial that it would ever sell. But today we are now officially in escrow. And guess when the closing date is?

December 26th.

So, I’ll be moving on Christmas.

I feel so sad and panicky. I love this house. I’ve lived here longer than anywhere else. But with two adults who work at home and a toddler, it just isn’t working for us anymore.

The other thing that’s freaking me out is that we have nowhere to go. Our plan is to build a house, but we don’t know where, and we will be staying with the in-laws in the meantime. They live in San Luis Obispo, so that means I’ll be far away from my friends.

Suddenly I’m looking around my house and thinking about packing, and how much stuff we have. I’m getting my house ready for Thanksgiving and thinking that this will be the last time I host a dinner party in this dining room.

On the other hand, I will not miss my miniscule refrigerator that can barely accommodate my 20 pound turkey.

Mixed emotions-that’s what I’m full of. There’s a good chance that, when we move, we won’t be back. I don’t know. I know we won’t be settled again for a couple of years.

Any advice on how to deal?

Are noble and moronic synonyms? House says they are.

2006-11-21T22:39:00.000-08:00

Who watched the AMAs last night? I switched between that and House. I thought Gwen Stefani channeled Missing Persons meets yodelers and House was one of the best episodes ever. What did you think?

Oh, is Jenna Elfman back? Is Weird Al cool?

Oh, and it seems we're moving. We have to be out by December 26th. Merry Christmas, now pack.

Oh, am I the only one who wants to live in an Old Navy commercial?

It's five o'clock somewhere!

2006-11-20T19:20:00.000-08:00

I had a wonderful weekend in Pebble Beach. The lovely Jenny laugh-and-the-world-laughs with-you invited me to her house and I want to thank her from the bottom of my heart for arranging an amazing getaway. Really, there's just nothing more relaxing than a few days without any schedule whatsoever, and, thanks to Jenny, that's exactly what we got.

We did manage to get our asses out of bed long enough to accomplish a few things. Like shopping. Actually, I can't really say what Jenn whatever-kills-you-makes-you-stronger does is shopping. Let's just say if shopping was an Olympic event she'd have a gold medal. And then she would murder the girls who won the silver and the bronze, so she'd have those, too. The girl bought a paper mache dog that has a clock for a face. She swears it's for her mother-in-law, but I have my doubts. I think it's part of some kinky sex thing but I don't like to ask questions.

In between shopping and eating I and Carrie what's-the-worse-thing-that-could-happen went for a bike-ride on the 17 Mile Drive. Sigh. I truly wish I could do that every day. We biked a few miles, stopped and looked at the ocean. Biked a few more miles, stopped and looked at the seals. I grew up on the beaches of California, but this was the first time I've biked any length of it. Truly, a wonderful way to experience this amazing coastline. I wish I could do it every day. Did I say that already?

One day all my friends went to the spa. Since the spa at Pebble Beach is slightly out of my budget, I decided to walk to the ocean and hang out there for the afternoon by myself. Don't feel too sorry for me. With my sweater as a blanket and my messenger bag as a pillow, I plopped down on the sand and didn't get up for three hours. I didn't read, I didn't write. I think I fell asleep. I listened to the ocean and smelled the kelp and thought about how lucky I was to be inhaling sea air instead of nail polish.

Yes, the days were perfectly respectable.

And then it was dark.

On Friday night we went out to dinner. It started out innocently enough (see photo above), but soon progressed into:

dancing on the tables.

The next night we had a very civilized cocktail at the lounge at Spanish Bay.

See the bagpiper?

After dinner we found ourselves at the bar. I was trying to persuade Jen to sing with me on the table. Sadly, there was no music, so she was hesitant.

The other Jenny, not so much.

What else can I say? We were moms gone a little wild. Oh, we spent a lot of the weekend coming up with our personal mottos. We each thought of several that varied with our level of intoxication. I know one of mine was “I'm a motto whore.” But can that really be a motto? I better have a glass of wine and think about it.

Here's Lillian it's-five-o'clock-somewhere signing off.

Moms Gone (Wild) to Pebble Beach

2006-11-15T15:52:00.000-08:00

During the day I'll be here, writing:

And at night I'll be having a cocktail at Spanish Bay, enjoying a Martini while listening to him:

Make sure to stop by the blog and tell me what you're up to. I'll have fun reading all about it Sunday nght. Have a great weekend, trashy peeps!

Having trouble writing? Go eat something!

2006-11-14T10:52:00.000-08:00

Last night while I was muddling through my NANO book, my brain started slowing down like a vibrator with low batteries. The words just came slower, and slower, until. . . they. . . just. . . stopped.

Kaput.

Luckily I wasn’t very excited about what I was writing, so the frustration wasn’t nearly as severe as in real life when my battery goes belly up. I simply pushed myself out of my chair, wandered out of my office, down the hallway, and around the corner until I found myself standing in front of the refrigerator.

I opened the door. I told myself to get back to writing. Having consumed a fairly decent meal only hours earlier, I can’t say I was starving, but I didn’t walk away. Instead I poked around trying to find something decent, like carrots or celery or fat-free jello.

Then I saw the syrup. That’s right, syrup. Pure, thick, maple goodness, just waiting for me to pour it over something. Like waffles!

Mmm. Yummy.

Oh, I guess I should confess that I also spread a vat of peanut butter on the waffles before smothering the entire thing in syrup and consuming my creation in front of my computer while I played this evil game.

Do you wander to the refrigerator when you’re stumped? If food’s not your thing, what do you do instead?

Mogan David's Extra Heavy Malaga Wine

2006-11-12T20:30:00.000-08:00

This weekend I was thinking about the movie A New Leaf. Have you seen it? It’s hard to find and while there are rumors of it being released on DVD, you can’t find it on Netflix or anywhere like that, which is too bad because it’s one of the funniest romantic comedies ever and I’d love to add it to my collection.

From Wiki:

“Henry Graham (Walter Matthau) is a man with a problem: he has run through his entire inheritance, and is completely unequipped to provide for himself. His childhood guardian, Uncle Harry (a deliciously mean-spirited James Coco), refuses to give him a dime, and Henry, completely unwilling to exercise the only solution he sees--suicide-- devises a plan with the help of his imaginative butler Harold (George Rose): he can make money the old-fashioned way--he can marry it.

Henry has six weeks to find a bride, marry her, and repay the money, or else he must forfeit all his property to his uncle. With only days remaining, Henry meets clumsy, painfully shy heiress Henrietta Lowell (Elaine May). She's the answer to his prayers, though Henry has to overcome Uncle Harry, Henrietta's lawyer, and his own distaste for marriage. He considers the latter to be a temporary inconvenience however, since he plans to do away with his wife as soon as possible.”

It was written and directed by Elaine May, and she also stars as the heroine. May is definitely one of my idols. This movie was both her writing and directorial debut, and what am amazing debut it was—in my opinion one of the best screwball comedies ever written. Take Henry for example. What an asshole he is, and yet you love him, despite the fact that he spends the majority of the movie trying to kill Henrietta (isn’t it funny that they have the same name? For some reason you hardly notice it in the movie). And Henritta is adorable-you just love her. She’s brilliant and clumsy and always has tags hanging off her clothes. Whenever she leaves the house Henry’s butler asks in his very proper English accent, “Did you check her for crumbs, sir?” My husband often imitates this line when he's, um, checking me over for crumbs.

Henry is a great character to study. He is the ultimate hero you love to hate and it’s so fun to see him redeem himself at the end.

But the real reason I was thinking about A New Leaf is Mogan David’s Extra Heavy Malaga Wine. You see, in the movie, this is Henrietta’s favorite drink, and while I was re-writing the opening paragraph for my WIP, the Mogan David just flowed freely, if you will, into my scene. Here it is:

Once upon a time there lived a girl who knew all men were swine. She suspected this fact from the moment Jimmy Finklestein pushed her into a puddle the first day of kindergarten, and by the morning after her ninth birthday, when she awoke to discover her father had magically turned her brand-new Atari into two bottles of Mogan David Extra Heavy Malaga Wine, she was utterly certain.

All men were swine.

Isn't if funny the little things that inspire you to write?

I cannot go to write today. . .

2006-11-10T19:47:00.000-08:00

"Sick"
By Shel Silverstein

"I cannot go to school today,"
Said little Peggy Ann McKay.
"I have the measles and the mumps,
A gash, a rash and purple bumps.
My mouth is wet, my throat is dry,
I'm going blind in my right eye.
My tonsils are as big as rocks,
I've counted sixteen chicken pox
And there's one more--that's seventeen,
And don't you think my face looks green?
My leg is cut--my eyes are blue--
It might be instamatic flu.
I cough and sneeze and gasp and choke,
I'm sure that my left leg is broke--
My hip hurts when I move my chin,
My belly button's caving in,
My back is wrenched, my ankle's sprained,
My 'pendix pains each time it rains.
My nose is cold, my toes are numb.
I have a sliver in my thumb.
My neck is stiff, my voice is weak,
I hardly whisper when I speak.
My tongue is filling up my mouth,
I think my hair is falling out.
My elbow's bent, my spine ain't straight,
My temperature is one-o-eight.
My brain is shrunk, I cannot hear,
There is a hole inside my ear.
I have a hangnail, and my heart is--what?
What's that? What's that you say?
You say today is. . .Saturday?
G'bye, I'm going out to play!"

Have a wonderful weekend, trashy peeps!

Fabio Friday!

2006-11-10T10:38:00.000-08:00

Here's the video from ANTM where they shot the romance novel covers. Tell me what you think!

Click here for a look at a few of the final covers.

ANTM - Cycle 7 - Episode 6 - Part 3

Who would you bet on?

2006-11-08T21:52:00.000-08:00

So, I was out for a delightful bike ride a couple of days ago (yes, that actually is my lovely bike, isn't she pretty?), enjoying an unusually warm November day, when a sparkly clean Dodge zipped past me, almost running me into a rocky ditch. I don’t take kindly to these types of drive-bys, but there’s not much one can do when one is riding a simple bicycle and the opponent is driving an oversized, gas-guzzling, forest green monster.

Imagine my surprise when I realized said vehicle was being driven by one of my friends.

The bitch didn’t even stop.

She didn’t even know it was me until I called her and gave her a piece of my mind. I would have expected a little remorse out of her, but no.

Can you believe that? Do you have any friends that are totally oblivious drivers? Or, God forbid, are YOU?

Where is my mind?

2006-11-07T14:19:00.000-08:00

First of all, Shelli has a great blog over at The Novelty Girls about virtual friends, so go check it out!

Right, so, Eva tagged me to blog about five truths. I’ve been thinking about it for days, waiting for some amazing little tidbits to come to mind so I could, in turn, share them with you.

Yeah. I’ll make sure and let you know when that happens. Until then, here’s some randomness that fluttered through my mind while I was on a bikeride earlier today (and don’t think I stopped at five).

1) When you’re biking, wool is way better than synthetic material!
2) When you travel, all you really need are your kids, your passport and your credit card.
3) The Pixies are the best band ever!
4) Being barfed on by your kid is truly disgusting and comes without warning.
5) Forget that “there’s always someone richer/skinnier/smarter” crap. What really sucks is there will always be someone happier than you (usually with less stuff than you have) and that’s the real pisser.
6) It’s not a vacation if it’s less than 17 days.
7) Mothers are not immune to death.
8) That gap commercial with Audrey Hepburn dancing to AC/DC music is an affront to mankind and whoever came up with the idea should be severely punished.
9) Harrison Ford used to be so freakin’ sexy.
10) Why can we still not put metal in the microwave?
11) Harold and Maude is the most romantic ever!
12) The internet is the new water cooler.
13) Hmm. You tell me what number thirteen is.

Zero (writing ) Effect

2006-11-05T16:52:00.000-08:00

Today I am going to talk about the detective movie Zero Effect, starring Bill Pullman and Ben Stiller. In case you haven’t seen the film, here’s a blurb taken from Wikpedia:

Zero (Bill Pullman), a brilliant but reclusive private detective for hire, traditionally works from afar with Arlo (Ben Stiller) as his representative in the field. Socially awkward and inept (but extraordinarily confident in his deductive abilities), Zero keeps himself locked in his apartment, where he composes awful songs on his guitar and subsists on a diet of tuna, Tab, and amphetamines.

This is an awesome movie—Bill Pullman is great and it has a fantastic soundtrack—and I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately. One of the reasons is because there are some amazing quotes, such as:

“Now, a few words on looking for things. When you go looking for something specific, your chances of finding it are very bad. Because of all the things in the world, you're only looking for one of them. When you go looking for anything at all, your chances of finding it are very good. Because of all the things in the world, you're sure to find some of them.”

Isn’t that great advice for writing?

I don’t know about you, but whenever I sit down with one specific idea in my head of how a scene should go, it inevitably doesn’t come to fruition anything like how I imagined it would, and I get frustrated because it’s so hard for me to give up on my original idea. So, I sometimes think about what Zero the detective said, and start looking for all the other things that could take place in the scene. And there are millions. Millions of variations on any event, invisible yet right there in front of me, and the only way to find that one thing that will take my story where it needs to go is to remember Zero’s advice: When you go looking for anything at all, your chances of finding it are very good.

Over the weekend, I was having some serious issues with my current WIP. It didn’t want to go. After many hours of trying to force a scene to work, I gave up and just started writing about anything at all. The scene’s not amazing, but it’s better.

Right. I also love this movie because I identify with several of Zero's quirky traits:

1) I’ve turned into a recluse
2) I compose awful poetry
3) I become more socially inept every day
4) I have more friends online than in the real world
5) I exist on canned tuna, coffee and wine

I love the part when Zero leaves his apartment for the first time in months—I know the feeling. Sometimes I’m home for days at a time, and when I finally do get out I’m easily overwhelmed. It’s bright outside, and people dress badly. And nobody seems nearly as interested in discussing romance novels as my online friends. What’s wrong with them?

Well, what do you think? Talk amongst yourselves.

All about me!

2006-11-03T20:19:00.000-08:00

Mel, the B., tagged me, so here goes:

1) I grew up in Humbolt County in a commune. For the longest time I thought campgrounds and outhouses were normal living arrangements. To this day I don’t understand people’s fascination with camping.

2) In high school I was a bad girl and I dated the king of the stoners. He had a bitchen’ green Camaro and really pretty hair. The whole time we were together I had the biggest secret crush on the star of the football team who dated my nemesis, the head cheerleader. I still loathe her and her perky little breasts. Anyway, I married the stoner when I was 19 and it lasted 6 whole months. I think about the football star way more than my ex.

3) I cannot watch just one Star Wars movie at a time. I must watch them all in sequence in one sitting. Same with the A&E version of Pride and Prejudice.

4) I have the most amazing group of friends and they are my family.

5) I’ve never had a crush on Brad Pitt. I think he’s a girlie-man. I’d rather go on a date with Nacho Libre.

Oh, and, I’m tagging Shelli, Emma, Meg, Amanda and Karen.

I'm still working on those 5 truths. . .

It's Fabio Friday!

2006-11-02T17:57:00.000-08:00

Finally! I found the pictures and quotes from last week's America's Next Top Model! I think they did a great job.

NIGEL: As a long shot this is fantastic ... I'm still getting a such a pageant feel from Brooke.
MISS J: You don't have any expression in your eyes, any expression in your face -- nowhere.
TWIGGY: I love that you're frowning. It's lovely you got into the story.

TYRA: Oh no you didn't ... Whatever you were thinking when I shot you, you've got to bring that ... (RE: Eugena's attitude) Be likable because right now you're not likable ... You don't see what you're giving off. Have manners.
NIGEL: This shot works as a long shot because you've got a great body. It's a nice picture. As a close-up, I don't believe anything in your eyes ... She's got to work on that attitude. Honey, get with the program.

MELROSE - Madam in a Brothel

Judges' comments:

TYRA: This is an obvious sexuality. This is easy. You know how to do this. Work on the other stuff.
NIGEL: I think this is the best shot of the bunch.

ANCHAL - Egyptian Queen

Judges' comments:

TYRA: It still got a little hoochie for me. You've got to learn to back the booty up, but not make it hoochie ... make it fashion ... Until now, all we've seen in your photos is your self-doubt. So you need to bring this confidence not just this week, but every week.
ELITE MODEL MANAGEMENT DIRECTOR CATHY GOULD: I think she's in control of him, and I think that's a big accomplishment for a young model.

AMANDA - Leaving Her Man for Another Woman

Judges' comments:

NIGEL: Amanda has risen now. I think this is her defining moment.
TWIGGY: Your innocence in this to me is very sexy. You little hussy. (discovers Amanda's romance plot) You double little hussy.

So, what do you think? I like Melrose the best. Which one's your favorite?

Finally! My pictures!

2006-11-01T17:44:00.000-08:00

Okay, I know you were dying to see my pictures from Halloween, so here they are!

Here's me and the little guy (I mean Buzz).

Buzz had more fun in the bathroom than the party. Why do little boys think bathrooms are so much fun? All I know is that changing the diaper of a kid in a vinyl Buzz Lightyear costume is a huge pain in the ass.

Here's Mr. Manroot scaring the crap out little Feisty (hence the diaper change mentioned above).

Me and Scary Carrie.

So, I had a lovely Halloween. But, boy, was I tired at the end of the night. How 'bout you? Did you have a nice Halloween? How much candy did you eat?

NANO starts today!

2006-11-01T08:19:00.000-08:00

Okay. In case you haven't noticed I haven't blogged much about writing lately. Well, that's because I've been a very naughty writer over the past couple of weeks. I've been experiencing major writer's block. Ironically, it's since I've made my first sale that it's been so hard to write. I wonder if I've set a new standard for myself since now I know that I do have it in me to be published. If this is the case, it's not a good thing. It's taken me ten years to allow myself to write something awful and keep going, and, for me at least, that's the key to finishing a manuscript.

Anyway, I signed up to do NANO. I'm just gonna go for it and force myself to keep writing no matter how bad it is. And it's gonna be godawful. I've decided to post some of the really abysmal stuff, just so you can point and laugh at me.

What about you guys? Have you been good little writers? How do you get over writer's block?

Update: I met my 2,000 word goal for today! Yay me!

Boo!

2006-10-31T09:55:00.000-08:00

If they're not scary, I don't what is. Happy Halloween!

Oh, and mini candies don't have any calories.

Adventures In Babysitting

2006-10-29T12:56:00.000-08:00

For all of you who hate those blogs where people go on and on about their kids/pets/whatever, go read some porn instead because I feel the need to share with you my experience from last Saturday night.

This weekend a friend came to visit, so we made plans go to Adele's with him and a bunch of other folks. I made the reservation. I called a babysitter one week before the event and she agreed to come to my house at 6:00. Everything looked peachy.

5:00 Saturday night I start the routine: fancy dress, sparkly make-up, CFM shoes (a fact, I assure you, that did not escaped Mr. Manroot's notice). I even transfered my license, lipstick and cell phone into a teeny-tiny bag. I was ready to go.

Six o’clock came around with no sign of the babysitter. One thing I’ve learned in the past 22 months: if a babysitter is late it usually means she ain’t comin'.

I called her up.

“Hiyeee!” she says.
"Um, where are you?” I ask.
“Oh, I’ve been trying to call you for the last two hours but the line’s been busy.”
“Really? That’s weird. No one else has had any problems.”
“Huh.”
“Sooo, are you coming?”
“Oh, no. Sorry.”
“What do you mean, no?”
“No, I can’t make it. Sor-reee!”

What the fuck? I was seriously pissed. I had a wonderful evening planned, at that moment several people were in the bar awaiting our arrival, and this babysitter just flakes with no explanation? Grrr. Grr! Our friend who was visiting from San Francisco (no children) just shook his head and looked at us with pity in his eyes. I hate that look. It's the life is so much better without rugrats look.

I'm not willing to admit that yet. Furthermore, I had on my CFM shoes, dammit. Not to mention the really small diaperless (Kate Spade!) bag that I never get to use. And my grandmother’s vintage fur coat from some sort of animal I cannot identify. (Hold your spray paint-I inherited the damn thing and can I help it if it's fabulous?)

I got on the horn, called every person I know and finally found a teenage boy from around the corner to come babysit. He did a great job. All was good.

Oh, except my girlfriend had to dash away home because her 5-year-old was vomiting. Sadly, she received the phone call just before the main course was served. But thems the brakes when you have kids I guess.

On that note, enjoy this video.

Use CONDOMS

The Silver

2006-10-27T10:38:00.000-07:00

I'm the kind of person who’s never cared much about winning. I was always the last person to finish running the mile. I’ve never won Trivial Pursuit. I’ve never entered any sort of competition before.

Before August, that is. Last August I entered the On The Far Side competition, and today I was notified that I took 2nd place. Of course I’m really happy, but I'm also a little disappointed. I wanted 1st place—and for some reason I kind of expected to get it. Is that wrong? I feel like a brat. I keep reminding myself that 1) This is my first erotic story, 2) This is my first contest ever, and 3) EC has already bought this story. Not to mention, I re-wrote a lot of those first 15 pages and they’re much better now.

I’m disappointed in myself for not being totally happy with 2nd place. I know I should be—so why am I not?

Fabio gets kinky

2006-10-26T09:53:00.000-07:00

Fabio

Maybe TV Isn't So Bad

2006-10-25T22:06:00.000-07:00

Long ago I made the goal of writing a book that required Fabio to model for the cover. I think I was around 15 at the time. So, yesterday, when I heard the man of my dreams was going to be on television shooting an actual romance novel cover, I made sure to throw my kid into Mr. Manroot’s arms and send them away. I wasn’t about to miss this.

Did you see it? No, he wasn’t in the kitchen. He was showing those folks at Americ's Next Top Model how to make a romance novel cover look amazing. I got a huge kick out of watching the process. So what if it wasn’t a real cover. The end result certainly looked authentic, in an 80's Fabio kind of way. Also, I was happy to see the crew really get into the make-up, hair and costume without being condescending.

So, each girl was given a theme, like secret lover or secret baby, and they really did a nice job of working their given premise. Fabio, of course, stole the show with his sultry eyes and wavy blond locks—you can tell that man’s used to having a fan blowing in his face. In my opinion, Melrose did the best job of capturing the romance novel spirit. I wouldn’t be surprised if, after the show, he sprayed her with I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter.

My only wish was that they had more of Fabio on the show. I would have liked to have seen him on the panel and heard his thoughts on the girls’ photographs. Oh well. Maybe he had to get back to his gondola. Or his suits. I heard he was designing some leisure suits. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

Did you see it? What did you think? If you didn’t catch Fabio, are you sad you missed him?

Remember When?

2006-10-24T23:47:00.000-07:00

I love fall. Autumn colors, pumpkins, sweaters, Thanksgiving. All those things are nice, but, being a shallow kind of person, what I look forward to most is catching the new television line-up. I’m a self-confessed TV addict, and all summer I anticipate what exciting new shows are awaiting my discovery. I still remember the first episode of Friends. I sat on my brown futon, I wore a green turtleneck sweater, and I’m pretty sure I had a banana clip securing my long, blonde hair. And that show made me very, very happy.

That was before TV starting sucking. For the past few seasons shows have gotten progressively less interesting. I miss Friends and Frasier and Must-See-TV. I once looked forward to Thursday night. I realize it’s a little pathetic, but when we moved away from civilization I derived a lot of comfort from the fact that I could always depend on an evening with my “Friends” on specific nights of the week. I’d drink wine out of blue glasses with Monica and Rachael. I’d drink Cosmos right along with Carrie and Miranda.

But then everything good went off the air and some new phenomenon called Reality TV ruined everything.

So, what inspired this little rant? Well, I was flipping through stations tonight and caught two old episodes of Frasier. TV is so bad now I had forgotten how good it used to be. Not long ago there was good, old-fashioned romance on television. Shows like Friends, Cheers, Frasier—they all nailed sexual tension. I can’t think of any show right now that has such a charming storyline as Niles and Daphne. It was so funny and clever and well done—bittersweet. A good romance is always bittersweet right up until that moment when they kiss and succumb to their happily ever after. I want that on TV again. I don’t want Celebrity Duets.

Am I wrong? Am I missing something? Or is it true that TV just plain sucks?

Mmm. Hot dogs!

2006-10-23T21:14:00.000-07:00

So, how many of you work at home, writing or otherwise? If you do, you know how hard it is to stay in shape. Hey, I can walk across the hall in my pajamas, my husband brings me my coffee, and I’m pretty much set for the day. So, ever since I’ve been seriously pursuing writing I’ve been sitting on my ass for large portions of the day. I’m not lazy. Really. I’ve just never had to work so hard at being active. Up until now my lifestyle included lots of running around. At college it wasn’t unusual for me to walk at 2-3 miles per day just getting from class to class. We lived in San Francisco, I didn’t have a car, and those hills were much more efficient than a Stairmaster. I was 25 and I had buns of, if not steel, an overcooked dinner roll.

Then we moved to the country. And I had a baby. (Yes, almost two years ago! Shut up!) I weighed, well, a lot when I delivered him. Let’s just say I gained 60 pounds during my pregnancy. Have you ever had a baguette-spaghetti sandwich? Well, I have. Several, in fact. Sometimes, several per day.

Well, I lost it! I lost the weight in about nine months. Yeah! (Breastfeeding a 10 pound porker rocks!)

But here’s a little something about motherhood nobody warns you about: Plate Finishing. Yup. Here’s how it goes.

“Mama, hungry.”
“Okay, my little Love Pumpkin! How ‘bout Mommy makes you some yummy-wummy mac and cheese!”
“Hungry.”
“Just wait ten minutes and Mommy will—“
“Cheese!”
“Okay—“
“HUNGRY!”

Well, you get the picture. I make the mac and cheese, he takes two bites and then runs off to watch Shrek. I, then, am left all alone with a big pot of warm, cheesy pasta.

Did I mention I like pasta? A lot?

I’m sure you see where this is going. So, to overcome the Plate Finishing phenomenon (you’d be surprised how tasty the Gerber lasagna is), I’ve had to plan low-cal lunches for myself. Now, instead of running to the kitchen during a lull over at Romance Divas and gorging on my kid’s leftovers, I’m going out of my way to make something healthy instead. I'm being a Good Girl.

And every Tuesay I’m going to share my Good Girl recipes with you. Here’s your first Writer's Lunch:

Spicy Tofu Wrap

4 oz. firm tofu
a little olive and soy sauce
1 tomato basil wrap
fat-free mayo
spicy chili sauce (like Siracha)
shredded carrots
chopped cilantro
1 Tbs. peanuts

Sauté the tofu in the olive oil and 1 tbs. soy sauce. Meanwhile, mix the mayo with the Siracha sauce. When the tofu is nicely browned, put it in the wrap with everything else, roll it up, and you have a tasty little healthy lunch. A side of snow-peas would be nice, too.

Well, what do you usually have for lunch?

“I don’t want you to have a pickled vagina!”

2006-10-22T21:38:00.000-07:00

Warning: explicit talk about sex and the movie Pretty in Pink follows.

Who else loves Talk Sex with Sue Johanson? She looks like your grandmother, but you can ask her anything. And I do mean anything! Last night a 60 year-old lady called in because she was concerned about the fact that she had urinated during her last three orgasms. Ms. Johanson suggested that perhaps the woman hadn’t actually urinated, but maybe she had experienced female ejaculation. The woman’s response was, “I’m 60! Its about time!” Another woman called in asking if douching could tighten her vagina. Sue’s response was, “Do your Kegel exercises and skip the vinegar! I don’t want you to have a pickled vagina!”

The best part of the show is when she reviews a sex toy. Last night she gave 4 little flamey things to the Head Honcho. She called it “Better than a blow job!” I’m not going to go into detail about this handy little tool (girls, you'll see what I mean), but have you ever seen a senior citizen enthusiastically stick her lubed-up fingers into a clear silicon vagina? It’s a visual not to be missed. If only we could all be this comfortable discussing sex.

Anyway, had a lovely weekend. Kicked it off with my bookclub meeting on Friday night. We managed to perfectly fit the stereotype of a bunch of chicks getting together to drink wine, eat and pretend that we’ve read something cultural. I usually don’t bother pretending I’ve read the book, but I’m the one who plans the whole bookclub thing so they have to keep me around. Then all the moms get drunk and start debating things such as who paid the least for their expensive new coat and the merits of private school uniforms (surprise! I’m the only one who thinks they’re lame, and I used the example from Pretty in Pink as a case in point as to why each child needs their own form of self-expression, but no one seemed to understand), and we stay up until past midnight. Past midnight! We're crazy that way.

So, I drank a ton of wine but I didn’t manage to write a word all weekend. You? Did you catch Sue Johanson? If not, what was your highlight over the past two days?

It Happened One Night

2006-10-19T16:33:00.000-07:00

This movie starring Clark Gable and Claudette Colbert is one of my favorites and provided me with lots of inspiration for my current WIP.

Here's the blurb:

A spoiled rich girl escapes from her millionaire father, who wants to stop her from marrying a worthless playboy. En route to New York, she gets involved with an out-of-work newsman. When their bus breaks down, the bickering couple sets off on a madcap hitchhiking expedition.

What movies inspire you to write?

Mr. Manroot

2006-10-18T09:57:00.000-07:00

Day before yesterday, deep in the throes of procrastination, I decided it was time to leave my cave and take a jaunt to Borders. It was fun. I meandered around the bookstore with new perspective, looking at the front tables, noting which publishers had shelled out the big bucks to have their authors displayed right up front. I got a little thrill when I saw writers whom I have met in person, like Jane Porter, who gave an awesome workshop in Seattle earlier this month.

On the other hand, I used to have this idea that writers were these majestic beings, penning brilliance from their lairs while beatnik waiters silently brought them coffee and wine on Art Deco trays. Well, I’ve met several published writers over the past six months, that while they may be majestic beings, many still have day jobs. I thought about this as I looked at all the beautiful covers.

So I wandered over to the romance section and was delighted to discover it had been expanded since my last visit. I hadn’t actually been down the romance aisle in several months, and I was thrilled to discover a whole new row of trade paperbacks including several Ellora’s Cave titles-including The Caveman Anthologies!

I just about jumped for joy when I plucked that book off the self. A proper looking gentleman who happened to wandering by (probably to buy Plato's latest) gave me an odd look when he saw how happy I was to be holding an erotic romance paperback, but I couldn’t help it. Next year I'm gonna walk into Border’s and by a book with MY NAME on the cover! Me!

Yeah!

Now another topic all together.

My husband (see photo above) doesn’t care for any of the terms I've been using to refer to him by in my blog. Not Mr. Feisty, Mr. Coffee or even Mr. Lilly. Instead he requested I refer to him as Mr. Huge Man Tube. I refuse to type three separate words in place of his name, so instead I’ve decided to henceforth refer to him as Mr. Manroot. It’s a nice compromise, don’t you think?

Do you have a pet name for your Mr. Manroot?

First drafts are so not sexy

2006-10-17T10:51:00.000-07:00

For the past two days I've been experiencing some major writer's block-I just can't seem to get this sene to move forward! I've used up all my procrastination techniques: I've been to all the forums, read a ton of blogs . . . I've even looked at the news. So, I decided to do what lots of writers advise which is to write through the block. Just write anything that comes to mind, and eventually something good will come out of the crap. Yeah, not so sure about that. Take a look:

“Ooh! Starbuck’s.”
“Didn’t you have coffee before we left?”
“Hello? You picked me up at 6:00 AM. I didn’t have time to make coffee. Did you?”
“Of course. I’m organized and I plan ahead. Also, I don’t like to make unnecessary stops because I have a schedule to maintain.” And also I’m really, really good looking.
“Oh, pretty please! I really need some caffeine if I am going to endure hours in the car with you.” I’m spunky and cute.
“Well, okay.”
He pulled the Jeep into a Starbuck’s drive through. A distorted yet perky voice came through the little black box asking what she could get for them this fine morning. Abby leaned across Nick’s hard, muscular, sexy sexy body to address the speaker. She couldn’t help but smell his clean scent and she took a deep breath-so deep, in fact, that his soapy fragrance burned her nose and she started coughing.
“What the fuck? You just got germs all over me!”
She looked up sheepishly. “Sorry.”
“I’m going to have to change my shirt now.”

Hmm. I wonder if there are any new posts over on RD.

What's wrong with this picture?

2006-10-16T11:05:00.000-07:00

Anyone? Anyone?

Three Dogs and a Baby

2006-10-16T10:13:00.000-07:00

It’s just the kids and me for a few days because Mr. Feisty is in San Francisco on business. Except for the kid staying up until 10:00 last night, everything is going smoothly. But there wasn’t anyone to make me coffee this morning so I had to go to Starbuck’s. You see, my lovely husband makes me a cappuccino every morning on his fancy espresso machine. I know! I’m very spoiled.

Anyway, I got the kid off to school and then I did something I haven’t done in a long time: I went to the gym. My girlfriend talked me into going to a step aerobics class. I flailed around for 45 minutes and now I’m wondering what to have for lunch despite the fact that it’s 10:30 AM.

If I believed in diets I’d officially be on one. I’ve gained five pounds since Atlanta, and now it’s time to Stop The Insanity! Or at least the egg roll consumption. But the weight does say one thing: I’ve been writing like crazy. Which means I’ve been sitting on my ever-spreading ass for a good part of every day. Still. Five pounds in four months?

I can’t be the only one out there with this problem. Any tips? How do you stay in shape?